There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Girls should come with a carfax report
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
