Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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