I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
