I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
