Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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