Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
