I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
