fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
