alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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