It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.