About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize