Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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