why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work