I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
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You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
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apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?