Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
