I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
