so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
