if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So vagazzling was a success
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
