remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
