Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
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The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
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All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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