she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
