at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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