is your mom at the bar?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
