Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
