Plan B is the new Plan A
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
