he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We got so high we made milksteak
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
