i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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