if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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