Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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