I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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