Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
accomplished twins. life is a go
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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