i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
