Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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