u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
