Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
where are my eyebrows?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
