I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
