That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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