I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
