Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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