sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
