hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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