2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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