I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
