The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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