I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He told me they were just razor bumps!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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