Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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