I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
