so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
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Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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