I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
