I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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