i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
