i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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