Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
