Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
