I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
