Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
