If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
