I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
