So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
