He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
