you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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