The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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