Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
