I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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