I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
