How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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