I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
