Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
