if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
