Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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