how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
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When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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