Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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